Jamie Faye Fenton's Blog |
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This page covers Jamie's life as a transgender journalist and personality. |
Saturday, June 21, 2003
Forced Mask Most transgenders are familiar with the "Forced Feminization" story. This stable of trans-erotica follows a well-known schema: a man commits some transgression and is caught. As punishment, he is forced to dress and act like a woman. Despite enduring pain and humiliation, he finds that he likes the role. A large archive of forced-feminization stories (and other TG erotica) is the FictionMania Web Site. The plot lines can be quite elaborate. In some, the protagonist is under the complete control of the dominating force and is continuously restrained and guided. Each step requires the adaptation of a feminine characteristic, usually wearing a new item of clothing or doing a stereotypical feminine act (like being a maid). The slightest deviation from the dommes wishes is punished severely. The dominatrix is usually a strong, imposing woman or group of women. The outcome is frequently a transfer of erotic fixation from the penis to the mouth and anus. Often, at the end the protagonist enjoys performing sexual acts with men in a feminine role. Forced Femme stories trouble feminists, because they don't like feminity being characterized as being submissive. They are usually explained at being a mechanism which lets a repressed mind overcome guilt and enjoy an erotic fantasy. I think more is going on. Most MtF transgenders have many painful early memories of being forced to act like boys. Parents and other children would perceive a feminine characteristic and discourage it. Sometimes the discouragement is subtle, other times it is violent or humiliating. Gradually the MtF child learns to "put on an act" and conceal feminine behaviors and interests, lest they be isolated or even destroyed. Since this repression occurred during childhood, it is deeply imprinted. As maturity comes, there is one link into this core through the crust for many of us - erotic fantasy. When we read a forced-femme story, we are playing an inverse script to ourselves. We return to the control of a dominating force (like mother), and experience the antidote. Each forced feminine characteristic mirrors a forced masculine characteristic begrudging adopted back then. We return to our earlier stage of development and feed the need which was neglected then. Because we are older and at a different stage of learning, we can never quite counteract the early programming, so we keep coming back to read more stories. By reading forced femme, we counteract our forced masculinity. The result can be very arousing. Friday, June 20, 2003
Love and Limerance Limerance is a term from psychology that describes the magical feeling that you have while you are falling in love. Aside from making life just grand, limerance makes it easier for two lovers to discover each other by masking some of the ineptitudes of early lovemaking. Often the first few sessions are magical, then you notice mistakes more, and then as you learn and trust more, skills improve. I, like many women, just love that feeling. It is much better than sex. Even when I identified as a man, I preferred the "thrill of the chase" over the climax. Limerance is like opening a bottle of Champagne. While you can stretch it out a bit by not seeing each other as much, or burn through it faster by being together constantly, there is no way to suspend things for weeks or months if circumstances intervene. For example, one time a tragic death of our mutual friend put the kabosh on an affair, and other times both of us were in other complex turmoils. Efforts to resume failed. You can't freeze limerance for later. You can delay opening the bottle in the first place by staying at the flirting stage. However, once the feeling hits, you get one shot. Tuesday, June 17, 2003
The Shick Intuiton If there is one common enemy all MtF trannies face, it is body hair. We tend to be the "early adopters" of each improvement in shaving technology, as well as being heavy users of other schemes, such as depilatories, electrolysis, and lasers. Today I noticed a new product from Schick called Intuition. The Intuition is larger than most blade razors because the shaving head is surrounded by what they call the "Skin Conditioning Solid". This is a solid block of shaving cream that is dissolved at the last minute by water as you shave in the shower or bath. The shaving head itself looks like a contemporary multiple blade assembly that you might find on the Gillette Mach Turbo or Shick Extreme. It is designed to retract as the conditioning solid dissolves. Supposedly, when the solid is gone, the blade is shot and its time to replace it with another cartridge. The unit I bought has two cartridges and cost about $8.50. This is typical for state-of-the-art shaving products. (I did not see the cartridges on display by themselves, but I imagine they are relatively expensive, being relatively complex). I tried it out today, everywhere but on the face and genitals. It works! Rather well actually. I had been having a problem with bleeders lately, and I was not getting any. I then decided to shave agressively, looking for trouble, and I was able to make three of them. Thats about 10 times less then the number I would have had with any of the competitors if I let my guard down just a little bit. The acid test for closeness is my inner thighs. Like many trannies, I love it when they are smooth. To get smooth I have had to wax, which is delightful after, but requires several weeks of hairy scarey before. The Intiution came quite close - there are a few patches that seem perfect that practice could enlarge. The other convience is not having to deal with shaving gel or cream. Lathering it on is an extra step and half seems to get washed away unintentionally. The absence of gel does present the one drawback, which is you can't use the tracks in the lather to see what remains to be done. You are also constrained to using it in a tub or shower, as the water will get away from you in a sink. I will keep using this new product and report back on what I learn. I think my Gillette Venuses have been upstaged. Additional Notes: I used the Intuition two more times, and it performed well. Three shaves total is about the limit. I did notice the blade getting dull during the third use, and the bleeder problem did not crop up. Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Wikis for Transgender Support Groups Transgender Forum has a long-standing policy of offering free web space to non-profit transgender organizations in our Community Center. Many groups have taken us up on our offer and you can see the results at http://www.transgender.org/. One thing we have noticed is the "Decaying Webmistress Enthusiasm Effect" (DWEE). This is when someone volunteers to build and maintain a group website and starts out brimming with enthusiasm. Gradually the task becomes less interesting and sometimes the web site turns into a "Ghost Town", updated rarely and gradually accumulating obselete information. (I am the queen of DWEE, I would rather invent cows then milk them). Perhaps an answer is the concept of a Wiki. A Wiki is a web site explicitly designed to be maintained by the full community of users, rather than a small group. Each web page has an "edit mode", that lets anyone change it using a simple interface. Rather then going through time-consuming channels to add a resource or fix a mistake, the originator can cut to the chase and do it herself, right then and there. The first thought that most people have when they here of this is: "Won't some vandal come in and trash things, spraying obscenities or bogus information all over everything?". This problem is neatly handled by including features that let one user countermand changes made by another. (Since even the countermand operations can be countermanded, vandals can't exploit them). In practice, if lowlife show up, they tend to get bored rather quickly and move on, so this winds up being a non-problem. To let people poke around with this idea, I have set up a test Wiki for experimentation. Feel free to look at it and try out its features. I don't care if you damage it, so come in and kick tires as hard as you want. The address for this is: http://is.tgforum.com/tgfwiki/Wiki.jsp?page=Main If you like the idea and want to set one of these up for you group, let me know. (They can be configured to require passwords to change certain areas, if need be). Note that there are many free software packages that work this way, so if you would rather run your own Wiki, chances are you can rather easily. Monday, June 09, 2003
Jamie's Guide to Living Dangerously My brainstorm list of topics for TG harm reduction articles has over 150 entries in it so far. It has been fun dreaming these up! I have done plenty of dangerous things over the years, and have friends that have done even more. I am reluctant to publish this list here though. I don't want to be scooped, and I don't want some Corporate Human Resources Puke to think I have tried every crazy idea that I may write about when they run a Google search on my name. Still, I have enough ideas to last for years - and will certainly come up with many more. If you are interested in this, ask me about it - you may have trouble getting me to stop talking about it! Mae's Party A group of us TG Party Girls went to a party at Mae's this Saturday. Rys met Mae at Trannyshack and brought her over to Kristens, where she got to know our gang. The party was on the top floor of an intrigueing house in the Mission District. We all dressed colorfully and had a great time dancing to Latin Carnevale music. One of the people we met there is Constance Taylor, who is a singer, songwriter, jazz & Deco fan, among many other things. She performed two songs that were profoundly moving. The first one was from an album she has out, the song is called "I Have Always Been Young." The second song was about a MtF named Francis. You can hear snippets of her work at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/constance. We had fun at Mae's and look forward to getting to know her better. Sunday, June 08, 2003
Harm Reduction for TG Party Girls I have been kicking around the idea of creating a harm reduction web resource for TGs, particularly young TGs. The murder of Gwen Araujo last year shook up everyone in the Bay Area gender community, myself included. I have been asking myself "what can we do to prevent more of us from dying young like Gwen did?" Some of the answers may lie in a philosophy called harm reduction. Harm Reduction is an emerging concept for coping with the dangers of sex and drugs. Unlike traditional approaches that emphasize moral outrage and coercive control, this new approach focuses on reducing damage through education and support. An example of this is needle exchange programs for IV drug users. They reduce the incidence of injection mishaps, stem the spread of HIV, and bring information about drug treatment options to active users. Still, these are often criticized for "enabling or condoning IV drug use" and remain illegal in many jurisdictions. San Francisco has a number of forward-thinking programs like this. Last fall, I visited my friend Michelle Garcia, who was at the time working for the TRANS Project in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco. The TRANS Project works with street trannies - they have a drop-in center where a TG gal can come in, take a shower, grab a bite to eat, and if they were interested, participate in an education program for pay. The sessions cover things like how to negotiate with a customer, how to lower the risk of getting AIDS, HepC, & other STDs, where to find needle exchange, and so on. On the Internet, there are a number of useful resources for party girls who live dangerously. Here are a few of them: http://www.dancesafe.org/ has a lot of good information about ecstasy/MDMA and the other club drugs. They also participate in a program that lab-tests pills called http://www.ecstasydata.org/. http://www.bluelight.nu/ covers ecstasy, THC, coke, meth, shrooms, and the rest. They have a large database of user-supplied reviews of ecstasy brands. http://www.tweaker.org/ is for gay users of crystal methamphetamine. Lots of trannies and drag-queens use crystal as well, and can benefit from the information here. Several months ago I reported on a guide to sex work published by the Harm Reduction Coalition. It is still there at http://www.harmreduction.org/pamphlets/MALEESCORTHANDBOOK.pdf. (It has a section on MtF sex work). They also have a guide to safer injection of IV drugs: http://www.harmreduction.org/pamphlets/saferinjection.html. All of the above are examples of the harm reduction approach. All the facts, the good and the bad, are to be found in these places. What you don't see is preaching, shame, denigration, or evangelism. What would a TG harm reduction web site contain? I have already started a brainstorm list of topics. Everything from how to sneak a condom onto a cock during a blowjob to how to spot and avoid an undercover sting operation. Plenty of ethical questions, too. For me, many of these settle out under the basic principal that it is better that we be alive then dead. Saturday, June 07, 2003
Re-entry from Clubland I have been out-of-work for about 6 months now, and I was working at a low-intensity job for a year before that. It gave me a chance to become a full-time Disco Dolly. I was able to hit the dance clubs of San Francisco and San Jose 4 to 5 times a week for a year and a half. Needless to say, I loved it! This was in contrast to my domestic situation, which has been changing. My spouse and I decided last year to go our seperate ways. Shehas the biggest heart of any human I know and has been absolutely magnificent. Still, there is plenty of pain and sadness, and depression has been a vexxing problem for me. There has also been the long grinding task of cleaning out and fixing up the house we own in San Jose so we could sell it. We did put it up for sale this May, and we have a buyer who will hopefully take possession at the end of June. So here I am, free at last, with really no idea of what to do next. LateIy I feel like the Bedsitter from the classic SoftCell album The Non-stop Erotic Cabaret. This 1981 song describes a British club-goer oscillating between the excitement of nightlife and the emptiness of the day: Sunday morning going slow; I'm talking to the radio; Clothes and records on the floor; Memories of the night before. Out in clubland having fun; And now I'm hiding from the sun; Waiting for a visitor; Though no-one knows I'm here for sure Dancing, laughing; Drinking, loving; And now I'm all alone in bedsit land -- my only home. I think it's time to cook a meal, to fill the emptiness I feel; Spent my money going out; I've nothing; I'm left without. Clean my teeth and comb my hair; Look for something new to wear; Start the nightlife over again; Kid myself I'm having fun. Dancing, laughing; Drinking, loving; And now I'm all alone in bedsit land -- my only home. Look out from my window view; I've really nothing else to do; Read a book and write a letter; Mother, things are getting better. Watch the mirror, count the lines; The battle scars of all the good times; Look around and I can see a thousand people just like me. Dancing, laughing; Drinking, loving; And now I'm all alone in bedsit land -- my only home. I'm waiting for something; I'm only passing time. Since last fall, when I was intending on living in Australia for several months, I have whittled my "working set" of possessions down to a minimum. I can live and travel cheap. I expect to wander: Chicago, Colorado, Dallas, London, ... I need to come up with more meaning for me in the daylight. I will be dancing, Sun or stars. Friday, June 06, 2003
More about Eve - and Her Grand Opening Party I recently lauded Eve Summers for putting on the best party I have ever been to in the TG world. Several weeks hence, I stand by my assessment. Today, Eve has been able to catch up and just sent out a lengthy letter giving credit to all those who helped her. (Another sign of her leadership skills). It also serves as a great resource guide for the Trans Glitterati of San Francisco. I would love to see two full-bore parties like this each year, Spring and Fall, with something simplier once a month in between. Here is her letter, which she has broadcast widely: OK everybody, it's taken me a couple of weeks to full decompress from our Adam to Eve Grand Opening Party and Fashion Show back on May 23 at San Francisco's Asia SF and all the new clients it brought in. I admit this email is a little delayed, but I still wanted to give credit where credit is due. Also, I'm looking for anybody who took photographs of the event! If you're interested in sharing your photos, please email me at eve@adamtoeve.com. A few photos of the show that people have been kind enough to forward me should be available soon at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adamtoeve in the "photos" section. And thanks to Ho Lin for videotaping the whole thing. With any luck, a video file of the entire fashion show should be available soon at http://www.trannylife.com If any of you are interested in finding out where you can get outfits similar to what we had on the runway, here's the contact info. for the participating designers and stores. Please check them out - they can make you look fabulous: Valerie of TwistSF, a very talented designer who's been custom-making beautiful sexy dresses, skirts and tops specifically for TG girls for several years now. Each and every outfit is an original. (415) 845-8577 http://www.twistsf.biz Mischa of MischaMischa - This was her first fashion show, so look for her to debut a full line of fashionable larger-size clothing in the near future. mischamischa@mac.com http://homepage.mac.com/mischamischa Brooklyn of Lady Siren Designs - a budding young TS designer who outfitted herself in her own creations. Shavonna Starr (http://www.shavonna.com) of Red Rose Lingerie, an online store for the sexy vixen in you. http://www.redroselingerie.com Felicity's Fetiche (415-474-7874) and Foot Worship (415-921-FOOT or http://www.footworshipsf.com), both located at 1214 Sutter St. between Polk St. & Van Ness Ave., two TG friendly stores in one location with a wide variety of sexy outfits and shoes. Our models, in the order they appeared: Krystal - http://www.tgwebbuilders.com/DIA/krystal.html - (wearing a black and white flower wraparound gown by Twist SF) Lannie http://home.earthlink.net/~rhodesy- wearing a black fringe flapper dress by Twist SF) Bionka (wearing an orange cherise with silver accents MischaMischa) Mina (wearing a Chicago-inspired silver glitter dot-beaded fringed mini-dress by Felicity's Fetiche and black and silver high-heeled sandals by Foot Worship) Donja (wearing a neon-striped strapless club gown by Felicity's Fetiche and green neon and clear acrylic high-heeled sandals by Foot Worship) Brooklyn (wearing a hunter-green riding skirt complete with Victorian ruffles and a faux-snakeskin top by Lady Siren Designs) Jennifer - http://www.jennifercoxx.com - (wearing a backless asymmetrical blue sparkling club gown by Red Rose Lingerie) Lyanne (wearing denim pleated skirt with white gypsy top by Twist SF) Natasha (wearing a snakeskin off the shoulder gown by Twist SF) Special thanks to: Michelle Blioux for all of her incredible logistical support and advice, her connections at Asia SF, her makeup assistance, and for lugging all her photo equipment back and forth. She was the #1 person helping me with this event. In fact, the fashion show probably wouldn't have happened without her invaluable help. Check out her kick-ass photographic work at: http://www.michelleblioux.com http://www.blioux.com Josephine for help with hair and makeup. She is an excellent TG-friendly hairdresser with many years experience, so if you'd like to set up an appointment for a style that can make you look great in both girl and boy mode, please call (510) 224-0322. She is currently working out of The Right Angle salon in the Rockridge area of Oakland. Wendy Blackburn for putting up with me for several sleepless weeks before the party as I turned our home into central command, and for working the door and generally keeping me sane. Also for her fabulous jewelry, which she custom-designs to fit TG girls: http://www.geocities.com/hederadesigns/ DJ Mateo for his incredible and flawless mixing skills. He got so many people out on the dance floor shaking their booties all night. Please hire him for your next party or event! http://profiles.yahoo.com/promethean_1200 firearrow99@hotmail.com Kennedy for hosting the show with panache. She did a much better and more entertaining job than I ever could have. http://www.princesskennedy.com Pink Lady Limo for driving everybody back and forth from Adam to Eve HQ to Asia SF in total style. I will never use another limo service again - they're that fabulous! http://www.pinkladylimo.com Asia SF restaurant, bar and nightclub for hosting our party, attending to our needs and generally helping make the night a success. They have some of the city's best gender illusionists performing there nightly and the food and signature cocktails are truly delicious! http://www.asiasf.com Evan Kaminsky of Oui Three Queens for providing gift certificates for us to give away during the tranny raffle. Check out their custom-blended cosmetics at: http://www.ouithreequeens.com Our support staff: Sara and Brendan of the SF Penthouse (http://www.sfpenthouse.org) and Rena (http://www.renamusic.com) for working the door. Sarafina,(http://www.sarafinamaraschino.com), Andrea, Dina (http://www.dinadoll.com) and Niki (http://www.tranny.cc) for advice, sanity, help distributing flyers, and general logistics during the party. Whew! What a list. I deeply apologize if I've forgotten anyone. I couldn't have done it without all of you! Please visit everybody's respective web sites and utilize their talents and services when the need arises. I'm proud to say I would personally recommend everyone involved! Thanks, Eve http://www.adamtoeve.com (415) 999-3013 Thank you, Eve (and all of you that helped her!) |
