TransSex

By Jamie Fay Fenton

When it comes to sex, transgender people are the luckiest ones alive. It is entirely possible for a transgender individual to be straight man, a gay man, a bisexual, a lesbian woman, and a straight woman in the course of a lifetime. No one else can experience the variety that we can.

At the same time, the topic of sex is often troubling. Most of us have had times in our lives when we were lonely or disconnected from our sexuality. Moreover, many in our society confuse sexual issues with gender issues, and project their hang-ups about sex into their reactions to transgender people.

To avoid this, many transgender people shy away from talk about sex.

My view is that the gender-gifted have every right to be sexually gifted as well. While I have always enjoyed sex, I know that the more I learn, the better it will be. To help us all learn, I am launching a monthly TransSex column in Transgender Forum.

I would like to cover all subjects of transgender sexuality -- everything from auto-eroticism and trans-porn, to dating, safe sex techniques and BDSM, to dicer subjects like sex-work and drugs. While I am not an expert, I know many people who are specialists that I can draw on for advice.

We invite you to write in with your questions. Every month I will find answers and publish them.

Let's start things off with mini-reviews of two useful Internet resources for people seeking sex partners.

"The Admirer's Handbook" by Renee Reyes. Most transgender women have had experience with admirers, or people who are attracted to us as transgender people. While frequently disparaged, many admirers are themselves transgender, and to my mind, worthy of respect reciprocated. Most of this disparagement comes from those who have experienced men who are inept or ashamed of who they are. Addressing this, Renee's book is a guidebook for admirers -- giving thoughtful advice on meeting and participating in relationships with transgender ladies. www.reneereyes.com

Eric Raymond, a well-known computer hacker, wrote an article called "Sex Tips for Geeks". While it focuses on male computer nerds, almost all of the advice is applicable to the transgender person too. It covers improving one's attractiveness, finding partners, sexual technique, ethics, love and relationships, and polyamory (the art of having multiple relationships going simultaneously). www.tuxedo.org